Welcome
To join our community, please log in or register!
New to Avalore?
Head over to the Getting Started page to learn what you need to know!
Internet Explorer
Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to a more modern browser.

Denied AbyssEthan1 Whitelist application [Denied - Dinomono]
Started by Toji_fushiguro

OOC 

Are you at least 18 years old?: Yep

Have you read the rules? (Link): Yep

(Optional) How did you hear about Avalore?: Google

(Max. 1) Were you referred by someone? If so, please provide their in-game username: N/A

(Optional) Introduce yourself if you’d like, as well as any creations you want to share (e.g. art, builds, skins): Heya! I am Ethan, i am a firm Christian who believes in community and loving all people. I enjoy writing, photography and whitling. (Obv I like gaming too) I am not artistic outside of whitling lol.  

In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)? *I'd turn over to the older lady with a slight smile* Welp I used to be a bounty hunter but then my father got a disease that comes from these parts *takes a moment to think* .. "Saltblood" I believe it to be I needed to search that out and learn more about that disease. Anyways after that I decided to travel here after a friend of mine sent me a letter. *Reaches into bag to grab it* Ah, here we go a letter from my buddy Azra a distant in flesh but close in spirit friend of mine. *Begins to read aloud the letter* "Hello friend! I am reaching out from the slopes of Faded Steppe. It has been a delight to learn of these lands and their own custom practices way different than ours. I just want to say how sorry I am to hear of your fathers passing, and how much of a leader he was to millions. Do you want a new life? A second chance? Come friend, there are plenty of evil things here like the Apparitions and Necrophages for you to kill. But be warned they are difficult and knowing you these enemies are exactly your palette when it comes to your bloodlust.  Sincerely your friend" Welp, yea that's about it I use to be much more evil but, lately i have no reason but to fulfill death as if one fulfills an order in a restaurant. *Smiles* 

Usage of AI to generate, modify or translate the writing on your application will result in denial of your whitelist. There will be no chance to re-apply afterwards.

Character Name: Zadkiel Morgan

Character Race: Human/Nua Sidhe

Character Age: 19

Brief Physical Description: Younger body toned but could be more muscular. Short stubby black hair, black undershirt and white cloth pants with a backpack and wrist coverings. Has a scar on left lip.

Image of Skin and Figura Model:        

 

(Plz let me know anything i missed, i feel like i missed a few things here but I can't point them out)

oh shoot, i forgot to add Minecraft Username.. 

 

Username: AbyssEthan1

Hello! I'm Dinomono and I'll be reviewing your application. There's a few things keeping me from approving this one just yet which I'll list here:

  • Usage of 1st person - "I'd turn over to the older lady..." - is generally discouraged in Avalore for descriptive writing or narration, that is to say it's preferred if something like "He'd turn over to the older lady..." was used instead when it's outside of the character's dialogue.
  • On that note, most of the IC response is composed of dialogue rather than narration or descriptions of body language/objects/surroundings, and what is there is rather short; I'd like to see if you can expand on writing more of how your character acts, moves or looks like within the emote to balance that out with the dialogue.
  • There's a few quick mentions of lore found in the Compendium (Saltblood, Faded Steppe, Necrophages, Apparitions) which go by a little too rapidly for me to count as valid in-depth references, for this whitelist to be approvable you should pick two of these mentioned (or any other 2 compendium entries that interests you) and expand on them more, be it an explanation or simply the character expressing an opinion of whatever's being referenced.
  • Backpacks, at least how it looks like in the skin you presented, are outside of the setting's techlock. The way the skin depicts it looks a lot like a modern-day backpack and not quite fitting for our roughly medieval-renaissance level of advancement, basically, it looks out of place with the Avalore aesthetic and lore.
  • x1

🙈🙉🙊

- Signed by Moogy

OOC

Minecraft Username: AbyssEthan1

Are you at least 18 years old?: Yup

Have you read the rules? (Link): Yup

(Optional) How did you hear about Avalore?: google

(Max. 1) Were you referred by someone? If so, please provide their in-game username:  N/A

(Optional) Introduce yourself if you’d like, as well as any creations you want to share (e.g. art, builds, skins): 

 Heya! I am Ethan, i am a firm Christian who believes in community and loving all people. I enjoy writing, photography and whitling. (Obv I like gaming too) I am not artistic outside of whitling lol.  

In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)(250 word minimum - please make sure to include at least three references to our lore in your response, with two coming from different pages in the Compendium.  Two of the three selected should also be in-depth, avoid simply name-dropping lore terms. Tie the terms into your character's backstory. Why are they important to them?)

 

*The Young but stoic looking man looks over* Well, I have come to the reach to seek greater opportunities, overall, my life has been quite interesting but after my father died from this *He'd try to remember* Saltblood disease? I believe it to be. *The lady would interrupt the young man before he begins* "Oh dear, I'm quite sorry to hear that" *He'd wave that sorry off* Oh no no, don't be sorry. In my eyes he deserved it... this *He'd do quotation marks with his hands* Saltblood disease affects the blood. In which I am surprised he even had some. *He'd lean closer to the older lade* You know, the blood is a most vital member of the body... Yet a disease like Saltblood seems to not care about that. heh ironic huh? *He'd lean back* Anyways... That's not all, I was also coming here because an old bounty buddy of mine choose to send me a letter telling me of his "new" fresh life. *The old lady, being shocked at his original statement doubtfully asks* "Well what did it say dear?" *The young man reaches into the small carriage bag grabbing a small yellowish white envelope* It reads this "Dear Friend, I suppose reading my letter might be a taunting experience for you because of our rocky past, but I must concede. My life has taken a turn in the better direction, I live in a "Faded Steppe" a plain region in which oh my, it is so beautiful. Friend, the anger I once had in my heart has been wiped clean and I grant to you a new opportunity to live here in the southern reach. I can hear you disclaim now "How am I to fulfill my duty" oh you and your duty... But toil not there is plenty of Apparitions and Necrophages. Sincerely Your old bounty partner" *The older lady asks* "hm, I have many questions dear, but I will keep my words if you wish for me not to ask" *He'd smile, leaning even further back allowing his back to rest* Ask away granny, I can answer. *She'd lean forward beginning her question barrage* "Well dear, Firstly, what is your obsession with this "Duty" I hear? Secondly, why is your father such a hatred of yours? and finally, what do you really intend to do here in our lands?" *He'd smile* Welp, firstly I abhor the dead, so these apparitions i hate. Now these necrophages I am interested in. but if I must ill kill as many as needed. Oh, and also those who prowl on the small and "Innocent" so, my duty is to vanquish all who do just that and them who get in my way. Along with other things. Secondly, my father deserved what he got and more... if I'm lucky, he'll escape the confides of my brain. That is all you will hear about my father. And finally, my intention here is a bit cloudy... Maybe I'm looking for a family? or action? or perhaps I'm here to die. Either way ill die or it'll get done. *The old lady smiles and sits back* *He'd lean forward and smile getting ready for parking* 

Usage of AI to generate, modify or translate the writing on your application will result in denial of your whitelist. There will be no chance to re-apply afterwards.

Character Name: Zadkiel Morgan

Character Race: Human

Character Age: 20 (Bumped it up one) 

 Brief Physical Description: A young stoic man, 6'2 around 185 pounds. He wears a plain black shirt with plain white cloth pants held together by a black cloth. Has scars all over his body including one on his lip, one on his right and left arm and a small one on his chest *Which cannot be seen* 

Image of Skin and Figura Model:

 

Here ya go! Hopefully this is much better than the original. 

I'll have to deny this application on account of the skin and IC response being too similar to an existing character from Jujutsu Kaisen, Avalore characters are expected to be original and seeing the likes of Toji walking around the RP hub would make it difficult for fellow players to immerse themselves. That said, you're welcome to reapply in the future with a different concept and a more unique skin.

🙈🙉🙊

- Signed by Moogy