OOC

Minecraft Username: Marceline9801

Are you at least 18 years old?: Yes

Have you read the rules? (Link): yes https://avalore.net/rules

(Optional) How did you hear about Avalore?:

(Max. 1) Were you referred by someone? If so, please provide their in-game username:

(Optional) Introduce yourself if you’d like, as well as any creations you want to share (e.g. art, builds, skins):

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In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)? (250 word minimum - please make sure to include at least three references to our lore in your response, with two coming from different pages in the Compendium.  Two of the three selected should also be in-depth, avoid simply name-dropping lore terms. Tie the terms into your character's backstory. Why are they important to them?)

Usage of AI to generate, modify or translate the writing on your application will result in denial of your whitelist. There will be no chance to re-apply afterwards.

–“Is it because I’m nine that you can tell, or is it because you know everyone here?” Yeah I already was, let’s say strong-spirited, back then? And how many times has my smart mouth gotten me into trouble since then? you used to count, remember? I’ve lost track over the years. But yeah, I think this time, the first time I opened my stupid— my very nice mouth in the Reach, I actually made a friend. Maybe that’s why I kept opening it. Even after I got into a fight for the hundredth time. You know it helped me a lot, to have someone to talk to from the start? Who would listen and care about me? It was hard to get past the gigantic wall feeling alone as though even my parents hadn’t come along with me. It's kind of how it felt like actually, that they sent me to live in a foreign city all on my own…

>>I’m glad I have found you - or rather that you have found me - under the shade of the wall that I still don’t understand why it exists since there’s never been any battle fought there… well maybe it existed so that you could analyze me and tell it was my first time, sparkling a friendship that would last a decade.

>>remember how just a while after I met you, you were able to completely reassure me enough to make me feel welcome as we passed the Albern Crossing. I remember people were looking at me funny. shady people. I’m sure you saw them too. I would have freaked out without you.

>>then we arrived at the Spire, and as we parted ways, you promised me a pie if I came and saw you again. Come to think of it, I was a fool to trust you that easily. But I’m glad I did. You were the best thing that happened to me since I’ve arrived here. Now I must make other friends. At twenty-one years old, can you believe that? but I think this year will be different. I know I’ll never find one such as you, but you told me to have hope, and so I’ll keep my chin up and hopefully I won’t be so alone. Thank you for listening again, my friend. I’ll take my leave now, but I’ll be back next year. I hope you’ll like these flowers, I picked them up myself; and I was able to save you a piece of cake this time. It’s good, you’ll see. Goodbye, old friend.

the young woman let go of the small boat carrying flowers she had made, and let it drift into the sea. alone in a small creek north-west of the valley of flowers, she was able to tell everything that was on her mind without crying this time.

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Character Name: Nim Liaur

Character Race: human half elf

Character Age: 21

 Brief Physical Description: Young, narrow, she doesn’t look scary at all. ordinary in appearance with her brown leather jacket, grey boots and dark hair and eyes, she could even be categorised as invisible sometimes. This contrasts with her personality that is often optimistic and upbeat.

Image of Skin and Figura Model:

Hello! My name is Blinx, and I'll be handling your whitelist application.

I have a big point about your reply section, and then a small question about Nim's appearance. In order:

While you've responded to the prompt provided in the application template, that prompt provided is a scene prompt to demonstrate your ability to reply to another player's roleplay emote in a way that further progresses the scene and showcases your own character. You've treated it, instead, like a writing prompt -- as if it's a flashback emote as part of backstory. The premise for Nim being from the Spire, or for the prompt itself to be in the past are fine (characters just can't have been in the Spiretown more than 20 or so years ago from canon) but your reply itself has to be a response to the reply given in that back-and-forth format within a shorter span of time.

Additionally, the reply itself is somewhat difficult to read. Most of it seems to be dialogue or maybe internal narration about Nim's relationship with the old woman leading up to the present with Nim mourning her passing, until the narration shifts to third person in the last paragraph. I'm going to request the reply section be re-written to use entirely third person narration and put audible speech inside of dialogue tags (She said, "Like this!") as that's the format Avalore follows (and is required by our Roleplay Standards page, to minimize IC/OOC bleed). 

Finally, I can see dark pixel details along the edges of Nim's face below her hair. I'd like to ask for some clarification on what that's intended to represent, whether it be stylistic shadows or something else.

Leave a reply here when you've made the changes requested, or if you need further clarification. I'll reply once I see it!

Hello, just a reminder that I'm still waiting on some changes to the application as per my comment above. If I don't hear back within the next few days, I'll have to deny the application for inactivity during the review process.

This whitelist has been denied for inactivity during the review process. You're welcome to re-apply at any time, taking into account the feedback provided above.