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Denied Whitelist Application [Denied - Charybdis]
Started by AdemaroK

OOC

Minecraft Username:  Jackdc4

Are you at least 18 years old?: Yep

Have you read the rules? (Link): Yes

In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)(150 words minimum - please make sure to include at least three references to our lore in your response, with two coming from different pages in the Compendium.)

"Wandering for the love of trade in far off lands, always wanted t'see one of those Fireborne giants, see how tall they really get t'," He replied, settling against the wagons wall and enveloping him within the folds of his clothing. He sucked on his teeth and flashed a grin before adding "And outta the sight o' the King's soldiers is outta mind, 'pparently the lairdie on 'igh's got n'taste fer Crowns wit' a lower gelt conten', y'see? Mate o'mine los' a toe o'er the whole debacle'n I start't runnin' whilst I've the ten t'me name, leave auld Nine Toes t'Jonah, aye? Wee Rayan were gettin' 'is Tithe, not that 'e deserves a tinwhistle from me, ah'm naw Valkie." He seemed to consider his words for a few moments, scratching at stubble and clicking his teeth before admitting "Ah was heading out t'wards Fallstone when I 'eard they got 'me buddy, but I've not got a taste fer pale ale, prefer something with a bit more body, soul y'could say," It became evident as he spoke that Dunncaid was a man unwilling or unable to remain still for a long period, his gaze was flitting towards the road beneath the wagon. "And sure there's a mystery to see, what wi' the Aedell gone missin', bit tall for trust sake, but ah'd 'ate t'go missin' and 'ave no one care to be lookin' at the why and how, eh?" He offered a mostly rhetorical noise as he slid from the wagon at last, the slow trundling pace too slow for his impatient feet as he began marching up towards the front of the group.

Character Name: Dunncaid McLeod

Character Race:  Human Walljack

Character Age: 28

Brief Physical Description: Five foot eight, broad in the shoulder and rather stocky in build, eternally with a hat on his head and a great tartan belted around his waist.

Hello, I'm Moony and I'll be handling your application. 

So far you're on the right track, and I think you've done a swell job at writing out the speech pattern Dunncaid would have as a Walljack. However, one thing that's good to correct is is that it would be "out of" still rather than "out've". Also, I do see the mention of lore but I would love for the references to them be in relation to your character. If you could fix the minor issue of grammar and then make the lore deeper in your story- then I can continue processing your application.

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to reach out here or through Avalore's Discord where I'm also Moony. 

Added a bit more information about how the relationship between his culture and Valkia led to him having to leave where he was prior and altered the spellings as requested

This application has been denied. Reason: [Ban Report Link]


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