Welcome
To join our community, please log in or register!
New to Avalore?
Head over to the Getting Started page to learn what you need to know!
Internet Explorer
Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to a more modern browser.

Denied white list application-Phil [Denied - Moony]
Started by BreadinWater

OOC

Minecraft Username: gnihton_

Are you at least 18 years old?: yes

Have you read the rules? (Link): yes

(Optional) Were you referred by someone? If so, who:

(Optional) Introduce yourself if you’d like, as well as any creations you want to share (e.g. art, builds, skins):

In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)(150 words minimum - please make sure to include at least three references to our lore in your response, with two coming from different pages in the Compendium.)

the man just look down at his hands he reeked of salt water and wore a dirty old blanket over himself "not really my choice I washed up on the shore east of the north I ended up wondering up to the mountains and met some people who pointed me in the right way stonerunnners they called themselves" the man says his voice tired as if each words was an effort to put out his voice also had a slight accent to it.

"so you just washed up?" the old lady asks curiosity plastered on her old wrinkled face.

"yea I'm from over the sea, I was on a ship as a prisoner of a long going war between two kingdoms but during the trip the boat sank I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up clinging to some barrels I drifted out their about 2 days before washing up on the shore" the man says as he fiddles with his fingers and staring off into the distance.

"2 days? that's an awful long time to be drifting out at sea" the old lady says as she has a worried look on her wrinkled face.

"I was lucky enough to have saved by a barrel of beer so I didn't have to drink the salt water and more lucky that the sirens didn't come to drown me but I did hear their call" the man said scruffily as he eyes his hands under the dirty old blanket "I wouldn't be surprised if it was them that sunk the boat I can still hear their voices" the man says staring blankly down at his hands.

"oh well you might find some new opportunities in the southern reach plenty to explore and do here" the old lady said as she patted the man on the shoulder "so dear tell me who you are a little" the old lady said with a wrinkled smile.

the man let out a sigh as he sat up slightly straighter "the names Phil it's not short for anything my parents just wanted the name to rhyme with Bill, Krill, and Dill my older brothers" the man says as he slightly nudges the old ladies patting hand off his shoulder.

the old lady just smiles not adding anything as she waits for the man to continue.

"I was born in Autumn Harrowing" the man says shifting in his seat slightly "care to talk about yourself a little" the man says looking over at the old lady.

the old lady simple shook her head as she shrugged making the man frown a little "got any expectations for what you'll see?" the old lady says changing the subject.

"no not really this place is... odd" the man says "first people I met were bigger then any man I've seen before" the man says almost timidly.

"oh you mean the Greatlings yes they are quite big but you'll be seeing more different types of people at the spire maybe one of them can help you with your.. restraints" the old lady says pointing at the mans bound hands under the blanket making the man frown pulling the dirt old blanket over his hands.

"don't you have something I can use?" the man says looking at the old lady who just shakes her head to which the man just frowns at her.

"sorry dear but I haven't got anything on me to help" the old lady says as she pulls out some knitting equipment as she works on a half done sock "just sit tight dear we'll be there within an hour or two" the old lady says as she looks down at her nimble hands work on the sock.

the man just grumbles as he sits a frown plastered to his face as he stares out to the scenery of the wagon trip.

 

Character Name: Phil

Character Race: Human

Character Age: 21

Brief Physical Description: a tired looking man about 6'1" with a descent build he has long black hair and dark brown almost black eyes he wears metal plated armor with chain mail underneath but neither look sturdy nor well kept as they're covered in salt, chain cuffs are on his wrists keeping them at most a foot apart from each other  he has a small accent (think Scottish almost) and he pairs a simple red tunic over his armor rarely smile and when he does not for very long.

Hello, I'm Moony and I'll be handling your application. We have to iron out a few problems I've noticed before I can continue processing this application.

 

First, there is a distinct lack of lore mentioned in your written test. Please reference our Compendium and write a story that makes use of the lore we've provided. I do see the mention of the zodiac, but that's about all, and it seems rather hastily inserted. Once you've checked over the grammar and included more lore feel free to respond here so I can look over it again.

 

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to reach out through the forums or through Avalore's Discord where I also go by Moony.

ok I made some changes to the test hopefully it's better then the previous one

I do see your mention of the Greatlings, but you still need a third good source of lore. So far you only have two. 

I put in a third reference to the sirens 

 

I put in a third reference to the sirens 

 

Unfortunately I am going to deny you at this time. You're on the right track but the lore isn't being used in an impactful way that shows relevance to your character. 

I also asked you to go over the grammar of your story to make it more readable, and you have not done that. You are free to apply in the future, even if it's as soon as you finish reading this, but I ask that you work on making sure grammar and punctuation are carefully thought about, and that you read our Compendium and use lore in a way that would be meaningful to your character.