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Approved CitrineCrust Application [Approved- _PEACHGORE]
Started by CitrineCrust

OOC

Minecraft Username: CitrineCrust

Are you at least 18 years old?: Yes

Have you read the rules? (Link): Yes

In-Character

Read the following prompt:

The rhythmic lull of hoofbeats are a marching drum to the small group of pioneers and variety of folk you have found yourself amongst, packed into a wobbling wagon. The rolling plains of the Southern Reach and a clear sky stretch out all around you, the buzz of excited chatter a dull wash in your ears as your mind strays to your former life and what has led you here to new lands.

“Nervous?”

You blink, returning to the present moment. A kindly older woman sat near you is smiling warmly with a crinkle to her eyes.

“I can tell it’s your first time. Still remember mine,” she flashes a grin and leans in.

“Tell me my dear, why have you come to the Reach?”

How do you respond (in character)(250 word minimum - please make sure to include at least three references to our lore in your response, with two coming from different pages in the Compendium.  Two of the three selected should also be in-depth, avoid simply name-dropping lore terms. Tie the terms into your character's backstory. Why are they important to them?)

Usage of AI to generate, modify or translate the writing on your application will result in denial of your whitelist. There will be no chance to re-apply afterwards.

"I come from Ko'ram..." Tyger finally relaxes after being tensed up for the whole ride. "I'm here on a family matter, three years ago a man broke into my home and killed my family, my parents and my sister. They left with nothing but one of our dual family blades. Father took only one for some reason and hid the other in our fireplace.When the man killed father he stole the blade he had on him and I found mine after the fact." Tyger's breathing became heavy, retelling this story is not easy for him. "But I've spent this time training in the mountains and went on my pilgrimage to prove myself. Now I continue my path of the sword to protect others and enact my vengeance." Tyger puts his hand on the sword at his waist reminiscing his time in the mountains. "The only clue I have about the man is that there was a merchant ship fleet headed towards the spire the day of the event. Maybe he ended up selling the sword in the spire..."

The woman is left speechless for a moment then attempts to comfort Tyger. "You've been through a lot lad haven't you? What do you plan on doing after your revenge?"

"I haven't really thought about it, the last couple years have been about survival. Even though there's not the elements hindering me, and I'm not scrounging for food, I still feel like I'm fighting for my life. I need to get even stronger if I want to accomplish my goals."

"What was Ko'ram like? It sounds horrible..." The lady asks.

"It was harsh at least the part I was from. It was pretty hard escaping the Odokhi though, me and my unit were fighting some bandits and I deserted them in the middle of combat, and I had to take a harsher route out of Uul'san than normally. Because of that I had to fight tooth and nail against all kinds of swordsman that wanted to traffic me or steal my sword. I am grateful to the Odokhi though for the experience and skills they gave me though."

"That sounds like a hard life, I hope things get easier for you lad, what is your name I might ask?" the woman asks.

"The names Tyger, me and my sister were born during first tide and my parents named her Ursus."

The woman winces. "It's bad luck for twins born under Duel to be separated."

"I think it'll be fine, I'm fighting for the both of us after all." The wagon comes to a stop and as Tyger leaves the wagon his blade flashes from under his robe, a black blade with a jade colored hilt with intricate designs that line the hilt. Before Tiger leaves he says bye to the woman. "I'll see ya later lady I got some business I gotta take care of."

Character Name: Tyger Gallow

Character Race: Human

Character Age: 19

 Brief Physical Description: Stout, toned muscles, jade eyes and earrings, red robes, black unkept hair

Image of Skin and Figura Model:

Hello, my name is Ash, and I'll be reviewing your application! There are just a few things that are keeping me from approving this, which I'll list here:

  • I'm a little unclear about what happened with the family blades- in one sentence you state that the man who killed Tiger's family took one, yet in the next you say that one was hidden and Tiger's father took the other. I would appreciate these sentences to be clarified.
  • While caravans head to the Spire fairly frequently, it would not be possible for one to be a possible escape route for the man who stole the blade, as Kor'am is on the other side of an ocean from the Southern Reach. Consider changing his escape route to a merchant ship or something similar- though that would still take quite some time for him to reach the Spire.
  • While the terrain in Uulsan is mountainous with little fertile farmland, there is still green grass and blue sky there, so it seems strange for Tiger to be unused to them.
  • Its incredibly unlikely that the Odokhi would train someone who isn't already enlisted in the military- perhaps Tiger could be a deserter instead?
  • "Because of that I had to fight tooth and nail against lone swordsman that wanted to traffic me or steal my sword." This line is unclear to me- did Tiger only fight a single swordsman on the way, or multiple in isolated incidents? Again, I would appreciate this sentence being clarified.

Overall, your application is well written, there are just some minor lore inconsistencies and points of confusion that I'd like ironed out before approving you. Once you've edited your post to address these concerns, please send another message here so I'm notified and can take another look!

  • x1

Made the changes, sorry, still getting used to the lore, I love how in-depth it is! As for the grammatical errors that was just me being sloppy, it'll get better for sure! Thanks for looking over my app also!

~ { Welcome! } ~

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