OOC Disclaimer / Explanation:

To begin, I do intend to return to both the character and the server. This is a hiatus, not a departure. At present, however, there are two primary reasons I need to step away for a time. The first is personal. My mother is scheduled for an important back surgery on April 28, and I want to spend time with her before recovery limits what she is able to do.

The second is that I have become increasingly disillusioned and emotionally worn down by parts of the player experience surrounding this role. I feel it is important to be honest about that, because it has shaped a great deal of what has been going on for me behind the scenes over the past several months.

Since the takeover, I have spent a great deal of time trying to go above and beyond to show people that I was not, and am not, acting out of malice or looking to make the server worse for anyone. That effort took many forms: hosting in-person events for questions, offering an OOC Q&A, spending hours in discussion and debate within the Avalore Discord, organizing a referendum about keeping the government, opening broader feedback regarding the system, and making further OOC explanations to clarify my thinking and intentions. I have continued to adjust the system and incorporate more people into it in order to account for the growth of the server and its players.

After reflecting on things, I think part of the issue is that I have remained stuck in a mindset of trying to continually “make up” for that period. In practice, that has meant repeatedly pushing myself to accommodate, explain, and prove good faith, even long after I feel I have done everything I reasonably could. At a certain point, that stops being constructive and becomes overextension. I find myself fearful of saying no out of worry that it will only reinforce the belief that I am trying to create a worse environment for others.

What has been especially difficult is the feeling that some grievances are not brought forward in the moment, or in a way that allows them to be addressed, but instead remain unspoken until they later resurface during tension or disagreement. That has made it very difficult to know what can actually be corrected, and what is simply being carried forward as lingering resentment. I have heard concerns repeated about the government, about accessibility, and about how newer players experience it, yet many of those concerns have not reached me directly in a form that allowed me to respond meaningfully. Had they done so, I would have wanted the opportunity to listen and take steps toward improvement.

This has been painful in part because I have genuinely tried to give back where I can. I spent much of March working, coming home, and helping host the tournament alongside many others in the hope of creating something enjoyable for the community. I have done my best to listen to people who feel hurt or overlooked, whether within groups like the hospital or outside of them. When eventlines and projects are underway, I try to make sure that the people originally involved in them remain involved and retain ownership over what they helped build. When someone reaches out to schedule something or asks for help, I try, whenever possible, to either assist myself or connect them with someone who can.

Because of that, it has been hard to realize that the answer some people seem to want is simply more of me: more time, more labor, more proof. I do not say that bitterly, but honestly. I think I have reached a point where continuing in that way is no longer healthy for me, and where I need to learn to stop overextending myself in order to compensate for perceptions I may never be able to fully change.

I also think, more broadly, that all of us would benefit from approaching one another with more compassion and more grace. This is a community made up of real people, and I believe things would be healthier if we were quicker to assume misunderstanding before malice, and more willing to coexist without immediately believing others are acting in bad faith or out to get us. That does not mean concerns should go unspoken. It means they should be raised in ways that allow for understanding, resolution, and accountability rather than fear, distance, or escalation.

Avalore is still a place I care for deeply, and I care very much about what I have contributed to it. That has not changed. I do intend to return. But in my current state, I need to step away before my relationship with the server becomes shaped entirely by exhaustion, defensiveness, and the feeling of being reduced to a point of argument rather than treated as a person.

For now, I need distance, rest, and time with my family. I appreciate the understanding! ️

I will be taking a hard step back from Meriel beginning this upcoming Thursday, though I do intend to finish a few outstanding Discord RPs that I have already committed to. The next few days will be spent primarily wrapping up those promised scenes. After that point, I ask that any government or event concerns be directed to @Captain_Cynical and @D_K 

There is a chance I may occasionally be around on an alt character just to relax and have fun, but even that is uncertain.

P.S. To those on-server and off-server who have remained intent on criticizing me (Cosmic, Briar, etc): I sincerely hope you come to understand that this is doing little good for anyone, and is instead speaking more to the kind of reputation you are choosing to build for yourselves.